Thursday, March 29, 2012

Like sands through the hourglass...

So much has been going on here lately. Between my hubby working 70 hours/week, my job, homeschooling the kids and their activities, there hasn't been a whole lot of down time. It's temporary, though. And I'm not complaining--the overtime dollars are awesome. And busy means job security, right?

It was my 36th birthday last week. A few weeks ago, I decided I really needed a night out with my peeps. I know a lot of my peeps needed a night out, too, so I decided to just plan one and use my birthday as an excuse.

The week before, I was struggling with some irrational feelings of being unlikable. It ebbs and flows. 21 people came to the restaurant and even more came to karaoke afterwards. OMG! It was almost overwhelming to me. I was so incredibly happy and had the most amazing night while at the same time, I fought back the urge to apologize to all my friends for having to be there (because in my irrational little world, why would they choose to be there? I'm sure they all have better things to do with their Friday night... ). Meh...it'll ebb again soon, I'm sure. I definitely felt the love that night, anyway.

In the past month, my oldest child has experienced a few "firsts". He had his first date, his first official girlfriend, his first (many, many times lol) kiss...and his first heartbreak. While I'm sad for him, I am also very relieved because it clearly wasn't a match made in heaven. I think deep down he knows this, I knew it all along and she finally realized it, hence the breakup. The odds were against them from the beginning--the girl is 18. My son is 16. I usually have no issues with age but they are in very, very different places in their lives. They also live an hour away from us. She is in school, he's homeschooled. She's Mormon (and quite opinionated about things dealing with religion and politics in regards to religion) and we lean kind of liberal. That and I can't really see many things they have in common with each other.

I'm very happy for him that he got to experience the feeling of love and everything that goes along with it. I wish he could experience that without the heartbreak, but that's not possible. He is truly a wonderful human being...I reminded him that the right girl will eventually come along and she will be so blessed to have him. And I mean that, not just because I am his mom.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Well that was underwhelming.

So if you have read my previous post about my health issues, you are in for a very mundane follow-up. My apologies in advance.

I followed up in early February with the endocrinologist I'd seen in September. Apparently health issues aren't really that important, as it took 4 1/2 months to get in to see her again. WTF?

The appointment really didn't do much for me...she basically shrugged her shoulders and said "well, we can try the Metformin even though all your tests have come back normal". Mmmkay. Well, let's do that. I have no other options beating down my door right now.

At the insistence of my parents, I decided to try getting an appointment with the world-renowned Mayo Clinic. I was surprised when I called to be offered an appointment the next week. Unfortunately, I wouldn't have had my medical records from other clinics in time, so I needed to schedule it 3 weeks out. I was amazed--a place like the Mayo Clinic can get me in so soon but the local Park Nicollet clinic takes 4 1/2 months?!

After making the appointment, I was sent a couple of packets of paperwork to fill out. I started feeling really hopeful about it--hoping that this would be my ticket to regaining good health. I was also fighting that little voice inside me that said that I would be dismissed and looked at as just another delusional fat girl again. I spent quite a bit of time beating that little prick down and listening to the hopeful voice.

In the paperwork included my fasting instructions. They said to eat my final meal the night before by 7pm. No fats whatsoever and only 3-4 ounces of lean chicken or fish. Fantastic. Also, only 8 ounces of water between midnight and 7:30 am and only sips of water until my appointment. I've fasted before for dr. appointments but this was by far the most strict. This actually made me hopeful--they really must have some amazing tests in store for me! Sweet!

I carefully ate my dry salmon and dry roasted vegetables and dry black beans for supper. I had a raging headache, so I also took an ibuprofen. I went to bed quite early as 1. if I'm sleeping, I can't think about being hungry or thirsty, 2. my head hurt and 3. I needed to get up at 5am the next morning. It takes about 2 hours to get to the Mayo, with the parking and taking the walkways and whatnot to the proper desk. My appointment was at a bright and early 8:30am.

After a night of dreaming about accidentally eating or drinking something and ruining the fast, morning came quickly. My mom and dad both took the day off of work to come with--they are familiar with the area and were happy to come down with me. We also took the kids. Nobody should have to wake children up at 5am unless you are going to Disney World (we did this a little over a month ago--even then it sucks).

A tired, hungry, thirsty, headache-y me got to where I needed to be and was called in for my appointment. The incredibly nice nurse took my weight (yuck), height (I'm still short) and my blood pressure (my never-high BP was high. WTF?). She then did a series of 6 arm-constricting bp tests to average them out and double check it. Fortunately, it was very much normal with the re-tests. *whew*

When she was done, the doctor came in. I think I heard angels when he walked through the door--this man was going to be my savior. He's a Mayo Clinic doctor, yo.

After about 20 minutes of chatting with him, I started to realize that this visit was going to be much like the others I've experienced. Except that I've gone through way more work, gas, time and inconvenienced 4 other family members in the process. Though he was nice and he spent nearly an hour and a half with me, I heard things like "your tests all appear normal" and "I don't know if your symptoms are related" and "calories in and calories out..." while my inner dialogue was "don't cry, don't cry, don't cry...".

So I was basically sent on my way, still hungry, thirsty, headache-y (all for naught since no tests were performed) with the decision of coming back another day to run and re-run expensive tests that are pretty much not going to tell me anything, or just heading back to my local doctors (I guess I can make an appointment for the fall) and to give the medication I'm on 6-12 months to see if it does anything for me. 6-12 months?! And while he wouldn't have personally prescribed that to me, it may help and since I'm already on it, just stay on it.

*sigh*